RSN president

While watching the game last night, it was hard not to hear about this whole Red Sox Nation presidency. To me it is completely retarded, and is a total marketing ploy. John Henry and Co. know that Red Sox fans will buy literally anything if it has anything to do with the ball club. I can never knock people for trying to make money, even though this way is so ridiculous. But when i think that this is how we are paying for Dice-K and Papi, it makes me a little sense concerned.

Last night, Remy went through a list of people running. A lot of good names are out there, but one stands out, Bill Simmons. He is one of the funniest men in sports, and is an avid Boston sports fan. I see no reason why he would not fit the bill. But apparently Remy has a problem with him. He basically attacked Bill last night saying:

Don't be writing in and saying you want to be president because I always wanted to be president of something. You want to be president of one of the greatest nations in the world, Red Sox Nation, you have to represent the people. He's talking about getting free tickets. He's ripping Mike O'Malley. He's ripping my health. I mean, c'mon. The sports guy. There's a lot of sports guys out there, right? Your campaign is officially over. Now he'll rip... what does he write for again?

Obviously, Remy isn't completely serious but still. When he was saying this i had no idea what Simmons stance was, so i looked it up and fell in love. Remy may not like it but i do. So here is the platform for the man i am supporting as president of RSN.

I'm running for the President of Red Sox Nation for ten reasons.

First, I've always wanted to be the President of something; at this point, I don't really care what it is.

Second, I think I can get free tickets out of this.

Third, I heard Mike O'Malley might run and, as much as I enjoy his work, we can't let him be President after he already subjected us to seven years of "Yes, Dear."

Fourth, I'm the guy who once wrote a column called "Why Roger Clemens is the Anti-Christ," you have to vote me just for that.

Fifth, unlike with that chainsmoker Jerry Remy, you'd never have to worry about my health during my tenure - and even if something does happen to me, you'll be in capable hands with my running mate, Rich Garces.

Sixth, I dressed up as Fred Lynn for two straight Halloweens in '75 and '76 - even as a kid, I was making great decisions.

Seventh, I'm sure you have people in your life - in the office, in your dorm, in your family - who claim to be true Sox fans but couldn't pick Todd Benzinger or Dewey Evans out of a police lineup. I'm going to create a nationwide competency test to weed out these bandwagon jerks.

Eighth, I spent the last four years in California learning about political leadership from the great Arnold Schwarzenegger - with that kind of training, I'm going to be unstoppable.

Ninth, I have not one, not two but THREE friends named Sully. That has to count for something.

And tenth, I'm going to use my presidential powers to get more free stuff for kids - free Red Sox Nation memberships, free tickets, free stuff from the Pro Shop and everything else. Vote for Simmons or you're basically admitting that you don't care about kids.

Go and vote or do whatever there is to do for this thing. Honestly, i have no clue how this is suppose to work, but anything that gets Remy's panties in a twist is worth a look.